I suppose it is time for me to do another post here. I guess I'd been hoping for a few more responses regarding my other, new blog (it's not too late if you're interested reading it- just shoot me an e-mail or mention it in your comments!). But, c'est la vie... on with the post.
As many of you know, this has been a tough year for me, teaching-wise AND other-wise. But I suppose it has been good in the sense that I have been learning a lot about myself, my goals, my desires both personal and professional... It's funny- I have wanted to be a teacher for so long (read: since about junior high age) that over the years, I just took it for granted that it is what I would do with my life. I never really thought about other options (or, when I did, I ended up dismissing them for various reason). I thought I was prepared; I thought I knew what I was getting into.
What I didn't expect was how all this stuff would make me feel.
I guess I expected to feel more rewarded for my efforts. I guess I expected to feel more small (or large) moments of success. I guess I expected to feel like this is something I am capable of doing.
This year, I have felt those things almost never.
As mentioned before, I'm not giving up on teaching entirely...yet. After all, I still *love* teaching my Valiant 8/9s! They are a fun (sometimes crazy/hyper) bunch of kids. I've enjoyed my calling as a Primary teacher so much this past month. I've always enjoyed my callings as a teacher in Sunday School or Relief Society. Clearly, there is a lot about teaching I enjoy. But this year has taught me more not just about thinking outside the box, but actually looking outside the box.
Here is what I've concluded:
1) I don't think I'm designed for the traditional classroom setting. I'd still like to try it in a different district (just in case), but I just don't think that I do my best work there. Because besides discipline, some of my biggest stresses are the lesson planning and the grading, and those are things that would exist no matter what school district I taught in. I just don't think I'm mentally/emotionally equipped for all the time/stress that those things entail.
2) It's time to go back to school (i.e. grad school). But not for an education degree. I've decided to obtain a Master's of Library Science (or similar degree, depending on which school I end up going to). I love libraries and the type of organization there (perhaps that is shocking to anyone that has seen my bedroom, but believe it or not, I am over-organized with some things, books and alphabetizing and categorizing being some of those things...). I could see myself loving a library-related job well into retirement age. And if I can't find a position within a school library, it gives me marketability in the public sector.
I remember reading once in a Readers' Digest, "Money is the fringe benefit of a job you like." I've tried to hold to that over the years. I am one who feels that I have to be able to enjoy what I do in some capacity. Right now, there is very little that I enjoy about teaching in IPS, which is why I'm out after this year. I feel I would very much enjoy almost any librarian-type position, though. Hence the decision to move in that direction.
Now I just need to figure out where to go.
Any suggestions?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Experiment
I know, it has been awhile. However, those of you who have read my last post, you may at least have an idea why it has been so long. Still. a friend recently mentioned that in order for her to blog-stalk me, she'd need a new post to work with (Thanks, Dedra, for the nice kick in the pants!). And since I promised to have a new one by the end of this weekend, here I am, Sunday afternoon, trying to get this done (ever the procrastinator).
First, as a brief follow-up to the vented frustrations of the previous post, I wanted to say that right before Thanksgiving break, I had several students give me thank-you cards, expressing their appreciation for the teaching I attempt to do every day. A couple of girls even went so far as to make an over-sized card out of fluorescent poster board to give to me (as seen below).
First, as a brief follow-up to the vented frustrations of the previous post, I wanted to say that right before Thanksgiving break, I had several students give me thank-you cards, expressing their appreciation for the teaching I attempt to do every day. A couple of girls even went so far as to make an over-sized card out of fluorescent poster board to give to me (as seen below).
While I realize that most of these cards were given because another teacher had them make cards in her first period class, I was still touched by the sincerity of students giving them. So, while my decision has not changed, it is nice to know that at least some students care.
(I still am not looking forward to going back to school tomorrow, though.)
So. Back to the main purpose of this post. Though I thought about doing one about the recently passed holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's), I just don't know what I'd actually say. They were good. I loved getting to spend time with my family. We had fun, despite illnesses going around.
But I wanted to start the New Year with an experiment. It is one that some of my siblings have tried; I don't know how successful they've been, but I wanted to try it, nonetheless. I am talking about attempting a writing blog- a blog where I share some of the specks of lint falling out of my brain from time to time. I have always been hesitant to share my writing with others for kind-of weird and obscure reasons, but I'm trying to overcome that because I'm finally feeling like I'd like some kind of feedback to the things I've written and will yet write. Yeah, I can sort-of edit my own writing, but I don't exactly have an objective point of view.
That is where you come in. I'm not saying you have to be objective. I'm just asking for thoughts other than my own to help me shape some of these ideas. I'm a little nervous. It's possible no one will bother reading it and/or commenting. But I'm willing to at least give it a try. If nothing else, I'm hoping this will help stimulate my desire to write, a desire that hasn't been as strong amidst the frustrations of this school year.
So. Because I don't want just anyone to be able to read it (yeah, I'm weird like that), I have decided to make this an invitation-only blog. Thus. If you are interested at all in reading it, please shoot me an e-mail (or let me know in the comments if you don't have my e-mail address) and I will work on sending you an invitation to view the blog. (I may send you one anyway, even if you don't request an invitation, but please do not feel obligated to accept. If you don't want to accept the invitation, though, please let me know so I don't just keep re-sending it because I thought you overlooked it.)
I think that's all I have for now. I think.
Happy New Year. Welcome, 2011.
(I still am not looking forward to going back to school tomorrow, though.)
So. Back to the main purpose of this post. Though I thought about doing one about the recently passed holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's), I just don't know what I'd actually say. They were good. I loved getting to spend time with my family. We had fun, despite illnesses going around.
But I wanted to start the New Year with an experiment. It is one that some of my siblings have tried; I don't know how successful they've been, but I wanted to try it, nonetheless. I am talking about attempting a writing blog- a blog where I share some of the specks of lint falling out of my brain from time to time. I have always been hesitant to share my writing with others for kind-of weird and obscure reasons, but I'm trying to overcome that because I'm finally feeling like I'd like some kind of feedback to the things I've written and will yet write. Yeah, I can sort-of edit my own writing, but I don't exactly have an objective point of view.
That is where you come in. I'm not saying you have to be objective. I'm just asking for thoughts other than my own to help me shape some of these ideas. I'm a little nervous. It's possible no one will bother reading it and/or commenting. But I'm willing to at least give it a try. If nothing else, I'm hoping this will help stimulate my desire to write, a desire that hasn't been as strong amidst the frustrations of this school year.
So. Because I don't want just anyone to be able to read it (yeah, I'm weird like that), I have decided to make this an invitation-only blog. Thus. If you are interested at all in reading it, please shoot me an e-mail (or let me know in the comments if you don't have my e-mail address) and I will work on sending you an invitation to view the blog. (I may send you one anyway, even if you don't request an invitation, but please do not feel obligated to accept. If you don't want to accept the invitation, though, please let me know so I don't just keep re-sending it because I thought you overlooked it.)
I think that's all I have for now. I think.
Happy New Year. Welcome, 2011.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I'm out.
The few followers/readers of this blog may already know this, but for those that do not, I'm done with IPS. I will finish out the year--I determined enough and stubborn enough to not let the frustrations these kids are throwing at me drive me out mid-year. But this year has taught me a few things that deep down, I think I already knew.
1) I am NOT Michelle Pfeiffer nor Robin Williams.
I just don't know how to teach these kids. I don't know how to reach them, how to get to their level to see where the problems truly lie, how to inspire them to have confidence in what they can do... I don't know how to get them to learn.
2) I do not know how to write lesson plans.
At least, not "good" ones that are standards-based and use Vygotsky's Model on a daily basis... I still struggle, too, to get any plans out of my head and onto paper for the principal to evaluate. It just seems so time consuming and frustrating... It is one of my least favorite things to do.
3) I'm still a terrible procrastinator (actually, since I still do it so frequently, would that make me a great procrastinator? Whatever the case, I still have the terrible habit of procrastinating many things).
4) I have little-to-no classroom management skills.
At least, what few skills I may have, they are not effective in these IPS classrooms in which I'm teaching this year.
5) There are not enough hours in the day for all the referrals and phone calls that really need to be made.
With as many discipline issues as I have on a daily basis, there simply isn't enough time to do all the write-ups and make all the phone calls home that really should be made because there are other things that also have to be done. And it's doubly frustrating when nothing seems to happen anyway, when students with referral lists over a page long are still walking around like they own the school with apparently no consequences for their disruptive behavior.
6) I need some form of year-to-year consistency.
In conjunction with #2, I have realized that my struggle with lesson plans comes in part, at least, because I haven't really taught the same thing two years in a row. Every year, I've been asked to teach something different. I hate writing lesson plans because every year, it's like I have to re-invent the wheel. That's why it's so exhausting. I don't really have lesson plans from previous years from which to draw. I can't just tweak activities/projects from the past to improve them. I have to go back to the beginning every time, having to guess what might work and what might not work, having no real experience to guide my guesses. And because I usually don't find out until the last minute what I'll be teaching, it's not like I can even really spend any summer vacation time planning. (Though, as mentioned in #3, I still might not do it, even then...)
I need a school district with a little less transience.
7) I am not a reading teacher.
My license is in Language Arts and Spanish. I taught one semester of reading with my emergency permit (and I didn't do very well with it then, either). I have never been formally trained/taught on how to reach struggling readers. Having always been a good reader, their struggles are ones I don't often understand because I never had that problem. Small wonder, then, that I feel like I am failing at teaching this year.
8) I HATE NCLB!
This isn't really any new revelation. But here's yet another reason why it continues to be a thorn in my side (sorry for the cliche): in a generation of students who are already being raised with an attitude of entitlement--acting like they deserve to have everything handed to them on a silver platter simply because they are alive and breathing--NCLB takes much of their accountability away from them and puts it all on the teachers. In all the effort to hold teachers accountable for student performance, they seem to be neglecting the crucial fact that students need to have a reason to invest in their own education. THEY need to decide they want to learn. THEY need to decide they care. If we are mandating their success by law, but only holding teachers accountable when they fail, why should they bother taking a serious interest? That is why they, like everyone else, blame the teachers instead of themselves when they get failing grades.
As one colleague pointed out, governments can't legislate parenting. I may not entirely agree, but I can accept that it is much more difficult to do, and much more controversial, and when politicians are more concerned with re-election than they are with doing what is right, of course they aren't going to try to tell their constituents how to raise their kids. BUT I still think there has to be a way to hold the students accountable (as well as the teachers insofar as it is applicable) for their own failures. THAT should still be legislatable.
9) I need my sanity.
This year, in particular, has been draining. I'm still trying to hold onto things like the Indianapolis Symphonic Choir and the handbell choir--things that develop talents I enjoy--to keep me sane. But I have little/no time to write, to exercise any of my creativity. I have little time to read. Because this is my job that is paying my bills, far too often it pushes spiritual growth/development to the back burner. I am feeling mentally/emotionally/spiritually drained. I can't live like that anymore. I will not allow myself to wither away inside, no matter what bills need to be paid.
10) IPS is not a good fit for me. It is time to move on.
I feel badly about this because I know students in urban school districts so often get the shaft--they need (and in many ways, deserve) dedicated teachers who are determined to make a difference in their lives. And I feel like I still have good, quality teaching capabilities within me. But I apparently cannot make an effective difference in these kids' lives because, even after four years, I have not been able to learn how. So I leave it to others more capable than I, others who seem to know how to reach these kids. I'm out.
1) I am NOT Michelle Pfeiffer nor Robin Williams.
I just don't know how to teach these kids. I don't know how to reach them, how to get to their level to see where the problems truly lie, how to inspire them to have confidence in what they can do... I don't know how to get them to learn.
2) I do not know how to write lesson plans.
At least, not "good" ones that are standards-based and use Vygotsky's Model on a daily basis... I still struggle, too, to get any plans out of my head and onto paper for the principal to evaluate. It just seems so time consuming and frustrating... It is one of my least favorite things to do.
3) I'm still a terrible procrastinator (actually, since I still do it so frequently, would that make me a great procrastinator? Whatever the case, I still have the terrible habit of procrastinating many things).
4) I have little-to-no classroom management skills.
At least, what few skills I may have, they are not effective in these IPS classrooms in which I'm teaching this year.
5) There are not enough hours in the day for all the referrals and phone calls that really need to be made.
With as many discipline issues as I have on a daily basis, there simply isn't enough time to do all the write-ups and make all the phone calls home that really should be made because there are other things that also have to be done. And it's doubly frustrating when nothing seems to happen anyway, when students with referral lists over a page long are still walking around like they own the school with apparently no consequences for their disruptive behavior.
6) I need some form of year-to-year consistency.
In conjunction with #2, I have realized that my struggle with lesson plans comes in part, at least, because I haven't really taught the same thing two years in a row. Every year, I've been asked to teach something different. I hate writing lesson plans because every year, it's like I have to re-invent the wheel. That's why it's so exhausting. I don't really have lesson plans from previous years from which to draw. I can't just tweak activities/projects from the past to improve them. I have to go back to the beginning every time, having to guess what might work and what might not work, having no real experience to guide my guesses. And because I usually don't find out until the last minute what I'll be teaching, it's not like I can even really spend any summer vacation time planning. (Though, as mentioned in #3, I still might not do it, even then...)
I need a school district with a little less transience.
7) I am not a reading teacher.
My license is in Language Arts and Spanish. I taught one semester of reading with my emergency permit (and I didn't do very well with it then, either). I have never been formally trained/taught on how to reach struggling readers. Having always been a good reader, their struggles are ones I don't often understand because I never had that problem. Small wonder, then, that I feel like I am failing at teaching this year.
8) I HATE NCLB!
This isn't really any new revelation. But here's yet another reason why it continues to be a thorn in my side (sorry for the cliche): in a generation of students who are already being raised with an attitude of entitlement--acting like they deserve to have everything handed to them on a silver platter simply because they are alive and breathing--NCLB takes much of their accountability away from them and puts it all on the teachers. In all the effort to hold teachers accountable for student performance, they seem to be neglecting the crucial fact that students need to have a reason to invest in their own education. THEY need to decide they want to learn. THEY need to decide they care. If we are mandating their success by law, but only holding teachers accountable when they fail, why should they bother taking a serious interest? That is why they, like everyone else, blame the teachers instead of themselves when they get failing grades.
As one colleague pointed out, governments can't legislate parenting. I may not entirely agree, but I can accept that it is much more difficult to do, and much more controversial, and when politicians are more concerned with re-election than they are with doing what is right, of course they aren't going to try to tell their constituents how to raise their kids. BUT I still think there has to be a way to hold the students accountable (as well as the teachers insofar as it is applicable) for their own failures. THAT should still be legislatable.
9) I need my sanity.
This year, in particular, has been draining. I'm still trying to hold onto things like the Indianapolis Symphonic Choir and the handbell choir--things that develop talents I enjoy--to keep me sane. But I have little/no time to write, to exercise any of my creativity. I have little time to read. Because this is my job that is paying my bills, far too often it pushes spiritual growth/development to the back burner. I am feeling mentally/emotionally/spiritually drained. I can't live like that anymore. I will not allow myself to wither away inside, no matter what bills need to be paid.
10) IPS is not a good fit for me. It is time to move on.
I feel badly about this because I know students in urban school districts so often get the shaft--they need (and in many ways, deserve) dedicated teachers who are determined to make a difference in their lives. And I feel like I still have good, quality teaching capabilities within me. But I apparently cannot make an effective difference in these kids' lives because, even after four years, I have not been able to learn how. So I leave it to others more capable than I, others who seem to know how to reach these kids. I'm out.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
On Fire...
I have come to realize- just recently, surprisingly enough- that I do NOT like reheated chicken. Leftover chicken is fine, if it can be eaten cold (read: Mom's BBQ Chicken Wings- holy cow, YUM!). But, despite having eaten reheated chicken on many occasions, I have realized that I do not like it, that the very thought really is unappetizing. Before, I'd eat it thus simply because I don't like to waste food or there really wasn't another option. No more. If I can't find a way to eat leftover chicken cold, I'll just toss it.
Now, I move from this completely unrelated topic onto the main topic of this post: The Hunger Games trilogy.
WARNING: Juli, you may not want to read this post as it may contain my opinion of the books that may, in turn, be interpreted by you as a "spoiler." You have been warned.
Wow! In a week, I have read all three books in this mind-blowing trilogy. I originally wanted to try to cram all three into my fall break weekend, but alas, that did not happen. Still, I was able to complete each book in about 2-3 days apiece. Holy cow! Just when you think the stakes can't go higher, they do.
For those unfamiliar with the books, they are written in the dystopian style- it presents a pretty bleak picture of the future to try and save us from allowing ourselves to become that way. What I love, though, is that even the bleakness is tinged with hope, with determination, with a will to make things right.
Even though I don't entirely agree with the paths the journey took (there are elements I would have like to have seen that I don't feel would have corrupted the integrity of the message), I feel satisfied with where we ended up. More importantly, I feel she stayed true to the journey behind the message, which is basically that, whatever the good intentions of war, and however necessary it sometimes is- even when it's for our own survival- it will always have high costs which will forever change, for better and for worse, the people involved, directly or indirectly. Like it or not, war will take us to places we never wanted to go and will impact our relationships with everyone around us, including ourselves.
Suzanne Collins does an amazing job taking us on what I feel to be a very realistic journey through those disturbing places and we are left with characters who feel real because of where they end up. Her storytelling skills are superbly compelling and truly, we are left with nothing wanting, except the rather unrealistic desire that we never have to deal with war.
These books are the kind of books that change us as readers. These books are the kind of books that stay with us. Despite the grim tone throughout (because characters are constantly battling for survival), these books have already become my friends.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Delightful Day!
Perfect weather. Perfect company. Perfect food. The only mishap was stupid construction on State Highway 38 which delayed Juli by quite a bit.
This is how I would describe my day yesterday. Since I'm still on my Cracker Barrel hiatus and Juli didn't have to work at the temple, we decided to get together for some fall fun!
Thanks to the aforementioned stupid construction, we didn't get to do quite as much as we had originally planned, but we had fun at the two places we did go. We spent the afternoon at the Russell Farms Pumpkin Patch, just north of Noblesville, IN (for those of you who are not up to snuff on your IN geography, Noblesville is about 25 miles north of downtown Indianapolis- look it up on a map if you're still confused!).
This is how I would describe my day yesterday. Since I'm still on my Cracker Barrel hiatus and Juli didn't have to work at the temple, we decided to get together for some fall fun!
Thanks to the aforementioned stupid construction, we didn't get to do quite as much as we had originally planned, but we had fun at the two places we did go. We spent the afternoon at the Russell Farms Pumpkin Patch, just north of Noblesville, IN (for those of you who are not up to snuff on your IN geography, Noblesville is about 25 miles north of downtown Indianapolis- look it up on a map if you're still confused!).
It's just a simple family farm that, over the last several years, has established several family-friendly activities to entertain folks of all ages. Juli and I enjoyed not one, but TWO corn mazes (one of which was considerably smaller for the benefit of littler kids, and if you found all three seed buckets hidden within the maze and picked a seed from each, you could get a prize! I got a Chinese finger trap :).
We also enjoyed a hayride to the pumpkin patch where we "picked" our own pumpkins for purchase. While, for the most part, the pumpkins looked as though they had been placed there just for this purpose (there was little evidence of the vines on which they had grown- most of the vines had died and were decomposing into the dirt), it was still fun to try to find the perfect pumpkin amidst the scattered spheres of orange.
We also enjoyed a hayride to the pumpkin patch where we "picked" our own pumpkins for purchase. While, for the most part, the pumpkins looked as though they had been placed there just for this purpose (there was little evidence of the vines on which they had grown- most of the vines had died and were decomposing into the dirt), it was still fun to try to find the perfect pumpkin amidst the scattered spheres of orange.
After buying a pumpkin roll (like a jelly roll, but with pumpkin bread and filled with cream cheese), Juli and I headed to downtown Carmel, IN where we had dinner at this most charming French-style cafe/patisserie called La Mie Emilie.
The food was absolutely delicious, and we got such personal service! Seriously, our server was only too happy to offer us a sample of anything we thought we might want to try and was so friendly and helpful, it helped make our dining experience truly delightful!
It is days like these that help buffer me against the frustrations I frequently encounter during the week, so thank you, Juli, for such a wonderful afternoon!
(I just wish I had remembered to bring my own camera to provide more personalized photos of the day- alas!)
It is days like these that help buffer me against the frustrations I frequently encounter during the week, so thank you, Juli, for such a wonderful afternoon!
(I just wish I had remembered to bring my own camera to provide more personalized photos of the day- alas!)
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Perfect Scrambled Eggs
As a Cracker Barrel server on the side, I often get complaints that our scrambled eggs are often flat and/or just folded. These (annoying) complainers do not seem to understand that, by definition, scrambled eggs are simply eggs in which the whites and yolks have been beaten together before the cooking process. Thus, even if folded and/or flat, those eggs are still scrambled eggs, contrary to their negative opinions.
Now, yes, as a sit-down restaurant, we are supposed to cook food to order as much as we are able to. What they don't seem to realize is that, as business, we also have to keep all our guests happy, which means getting them their food in a timely manner, which means not everyone should have to wait for their food while our grill cooks take the time to pamper a set of scrambled eggs for one guest. It simply is not realistic, people! If you want the fluffy, soft, scrambled eggs you think you ordered, you're just gonna have to make them yourself at home!
That being said, here are a few tips I have learned over the years that, in my opinion, help make the perfect scrambled eggs:
1. Beat the eggs a LOT, as in beat them until they look a little (or a lot) frothy. A whisk will greatly aid you in this, but you can also get the job done with a fork.
2. Add a little milk. I do not know of any restaurants that do this, most likely for possible allergy reasons (and it probably makes the grill messier, which means they'd have to stop everything and clean it...) However, this is one of the key things to make the eggs fluffy, if fluffy is your desire (and for me, it is!) It is harder (though possible) to get fluffy eggs without it.
3. Do NOT add the eggs to an already hot pan. If they are cooking right away, especially if the pan is on a higher temperature, they will cook fast and, usually, hard. Keep the temperature a little below medium, and either add the eggs before turning the stove on or just as the pan is getting WARM. This slow-cooking method really does work better!
4. Add the salt WHILE the eggs are cooking. Most people know to add the cheese and whatever other ingredients to the eggs while they're cooking (after all, how else will all those things get into the eggs?), but they taste so much better when the salt also has a chance to cook through, instead of being sprinkled on top at the end. (Just the salt, though- if you add the pepper at this stage, the pepper flavor might become too intense due to the heat.)
Once the eggs are done cooking, put them on a plate, garnish/season as desired (I like a little freshly cracked peppercorn, especially the mixed-color variety!), and enjoy!
So, with these tips (and a little patience, another thing restaurant grill cooks don't usually have time for), you can also cook yourself the perfect scrambled eggs!
Now, yes, as a sit-down restaurant, we are supposed to cook food to order as much as we are able to. What they don't seem to realize is that, as business, we also have to keep all our guests happy, which means getting them their food in a timely manner, which means not everyone should have to wait for their food while our grill cooks take the time to pamper a set of scrambled eggs for one guest. It simply is not realistic, people! If you want the fluffy, soft, scrambled eggs you think you ordered, you're just gonna have to make them yourself at home!
That being said, here are a few tips I have learned over the years that, in my opinion, help make the perfect scrambled eggs:
1. Beat the eggs a LOT, as in beat them until they look a little (or a lot) frothy. A whisk will greatly aid you in this, but you can also get the job done with a fork.
2. Add a little milk. I do not know of any restaurants that do this, most likely for possible allergy reasons (and it probably makes the grill messier, which means they'd have to stop everything and clean it...) However, this is one of the key things to make the eggs fluffy, if fluffy is your desire (and for me, it is!) It is harder (though possible) to get fluffy eggs without it.
3. Do NOT add the eggs to an already hot pan. If they are cooking right away, especially if the pan is on a higher temperature, they will cook fast and, usually, hard. Keep the temperature a little below medium, and either add the eggs before turning the stove on or just as the pan is getting WARM. This slow-cooking method really does work better!
4. Add the salt WHILE the eggs are cooking. Most people know to add the cheese and whatever other ingredients to the eggs while they're cooking (after all, how else will all those things get into the eggs?), but they taste so much better when the salt also has a chance to cook through, instead of being sprinkled on top at the end. (Just the salt, though- if you add the pepper at this stage, the pepper flavor might become too intense due to the heat.)
Once the eggs are done cooking, put them on a plate, garnish/season as desired (I like a little freshly cracked peppercorn, especially the mixed-color variety!), and enjoy!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Slowing down
My life has been frantic since school started. I found out a week before the first day that I had an official assignment, that I would be back in my own classroom with all the good and ill that it implies... (If only I had known that there would be more ill than good...)
I have been stressed. It has not been a very good start to the school year. I'm doing middle school this year, teaching 8th grade reading. While we are technically a step above the alternative schools (schools to where we send students who are too problematic to function properly in the traditional school setting), they might as well just call us an alternative school for all the discipline issues we have to deal with daily. Classroom management has always been one of my weakest areas, and I definitely feel like I am floundering. So much so that in order to try and keep up with my professional obligations, I have been neglecting my personal needs. (No, that doesn't include hygiene- I still shower and brush my teeth and put on deodorant and wash my clothes and such... but my apartment is a chaotic mess, even more than usual.)
I realized I can't keep doing this and survive the year.
I need to slow down before I get an ulcer or an aneurism or a stroke or any other major medical condition.
I loved getting to hear all four sessions of General Conference. Through the words of those who spoke, I felt the inspired wisdom of the Lord reminding me of what is essential. I felt re-anchored in fundamental, eternal truths that had been fading away into background noise as the noise of my classes made demands on my time and effort.
Yes, I still have those professional obligations that cannot be ignored. But I cannot let them take over my spirituality. And I had been doing just that. No more.
So. As my favorite season comes in full swing, I will remember that my time is just that- MY time. To enjoy walks where I crunch my way through fallen leaves, to enjoy the brightness of an autumn blue sky, to curl up with a mug of sugar-free hot chocolate and a book for half an hour without feeling guilty, to get back to writing, to find serenity in the things that give my soul joy.
I will catch up on all the grading I need to do. I will catch up on all the planning I need to do. I will catch up on all the organizing I need to do. But I will do it at MY pace. I will not let the frustrations of the year get the better of me. I hope that as I find peace, I can better handle all the curveballs and wild pitches the students are throwing at me. But even if I do not find tranquility in the classroom, I will renew my efforts to find it in my soul.
I have been stressed. It has not been a very good start to the school year. I'm doing middle school this year, teaching 8th grade reading. While we are technically a step above the alternative schools (schools to where we send students who are too problematic to function properly in the traditional school setting), they might as well just call us an alternative school for all the discipline issues we have to deal with daily. Classroom management has always been one of my weakest areas, and I definitely feel like I am floundering. So much so that in order to try and keep up with my professional obligations, I have been neglecting my personal needs. (No, that doesn't include hygiene- I still shower and brush my teeth and put on deodorant and wash my clothes and such... but my apartment is a chaotic mess, even more than usual.)
I realized I can't keep doing this and survive the year.
I need to slow down before I get an ulcer or an aneurism or a stroke or any other major medical condition.
I loved getting to hear all four sessions of General Conference. Through the words of those who spoke, I felt the inspired wisdom of the Lord reminding me of what is essential. I felt re-anchored in fundamental, eternal truths that had been fading away into background noise as the noise of my classes made demands on my time and effort.
Yes, I still have those professional obligations that cannot be ignored. But I cannot let them take over my spirituality. And I had been doing just that. No more.
So. As my favorite season comes in full swing, I will remember that my time is just that- MY time. To enjoy walks where I crunch my way through fallen leaves, to enjoy the brightness of an autumn blue sky, to curl up with a mug of sugar-free hot chocolate and a book for half an hour without feeling guilty, to get back to writing, to find serenity in the things that give my soul joy.
I will catch up on all the grading I need to do. I will catch up on all the planning I need to do. I will catch up on all the organizing I need to do. But I will do it at MY pace. I will not let the frustrations of the year get the better of me. I hope that as I find peace, I can better handle all the curveballs and wild pitches the students are throwing at me. But even if I do not find tranquility in the classroom, I will renew my efforts to find it in my soul.
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