Recovered

As a follow-up to last week's post, here's how I got my iPhone back.

Yes, a student had taken it. He had made two calls to the same number, one lasting about 15 minutes, the other lasting about 30 minutes. I gave this number to Mrs. Atkins on Monday. She called the number. The person on the other end said she didn't remember taking any calls from my number, but that she has a teen-age daughter who might have. The daughter wasn't home yet from school to ask, so Mrs. Atkins agreed to call again on Tuesday to see what this parent found out. The daughter apparently named one of our students as the person who had called her.

Mrs. Atkins tracked this student down. She gave him an ultimatum: produce the phone or get arrested. The phone came out pretty quickly. I got my phone back 2nd period; this student got a 5-day suspension.

Despite the frustration of the experience- and the frustration of having my photos and all my contacts wiped clean, erased- I am actually not as angry at this kid as one might expect. I was actually surprised when I found out who had done it. I've never had problems from him (well, except that he often doesn't turn work in, but he will sometimes participate in class)- he is generally polite, pleasant, likeable. Quite honestly, I think it was matter of the phone just being there. Often, I have students that will touch things or take things that don't belong to them just because they're there. There isn't any real criminal intent- they just don't always seem to get the idea of belonging when it comes to objects. It may not be theirs, but if it doesn't seem to belong to anyone else, it's okay for them to take it.

In this case, I'm sure this kid was at least subconsciously aware that the phone belonged to someone else- but I think the main reason he took it was "because it was there." Simply an opportunity that presented itself, and he took advantage of it. I'm not even sure if he is really aware of just how wrong his actions were. Maybe he is, but I kind-of doubt it.

Anyway, aside from missing photos, missing information, and a missing case, I've come out lucky- mostly, just inconvenienced. (We are going to try to get the case back from him when he comes off suspension, or get him to pay a $30 compensation fee...) I'm not sure how things will be when he gets back. He may act weird or uncertain. For my part, I've pretty much forgiven him and am prepared to let it go.

For now, I'm just ready to enjoy Spring Break!!!

Naked.

My phone is gone. Lost. Stolen.

For now, I blame my exhaustion. I blame my scatter-brained tendencies.
I blame the mentality of IPS students.

I left the phone on my desk, by my computer, sort-of camouflaged amidst all the black- the black cords, the black laptop computer, and the black metal paper tray- but still in sight. It was there at the beginning of 8th period; it was gone by the end of 9th.

Of course, I left it out by mistake. Normally, I am very careful about putting it back in my pocket. I was likely so tired from the previous late night (I didn't get to bed until about 1:30 a.m.) that when students started banging on my door after lunch, I simply forgot it was still on the desk and not in my pocket where it should have been.

That doesn't excuse what happened.

Mrs. Atkins made some suggestions about what to do when I talked to her about the situation after school.
AT&T made some suggestions about what to do when I called them after school.
I'm still really hoping it was intended as just a prank, that whoever took it will either give it back to me on Monday or find a way to sneak it back to my desk on the sly (so I can't actually incriminate them for the deed).

It's still gone, though, and I am currently without a phone. Naked. Exposed. Vulnerable. Powerless. Isolated. that is how I feel, knowing the reason I am without it is because someone took it.

By now, I know that. Because someone used it to make a 40-minute phone call to a landline number at 6:00 p.m., long after it had gone missing from my desk. Still, it hasn't been excessively used. Which gives rise to my hope that maybe it really was just a prank and not a malicious act of theft.

I don't know--and won't know much more until tomorrow. I have temporarily suspended the phone line so any attempts to run up charges should fail. So now, all I can do is wait. And hope. And pray.

Top Five

This isn't necessarily final- I'm still keeping my mind open to other options in case situations and circumstances direct my path another way- but for any who are interested, these are my current top five grad school picks, mostly based on tuition costs, possible living costs, and how I feel about the idea of living there:

(*Note: These are NOT in any particular order, really...)

1. University of Rhode Island

2. Syracuse University

3. University of Washington

4. North Carolina Central University

5. University of Kentucky

I do also like Kent State University, and I would be okay with MU or even IU down in Bloomington (though that would mean I would still have to deal with the ridiculosity of "Governor" Mitch Daniels and the State "Super"intendent Tony Bennett, neither of which I like at all right now.)

I do still like the idea of studying at Dalhousie University in Canada, but I'm really not sure if that would be financially feasible (nor am I certain I would be able to work while going to school there due to the hassle of obtaining a work visa...)

But there you have it. For now. Feel free to let me know what you think.

I promise, I plan to have my newsletter actually mailed/e-mailed by the end of this coming week!

Passive aggression...

Yeah, I feel like I need to post again, but my mind isn't in very good thinking shape right now. I don't really want to keep hashing and re-hashing my thoughts/feelings/opinions on my IPS situation (I will be turning in my official letter of resignation tomorrow), but I don't have any cohesive thoughts on any one topic right now. So, inspired by the randomness of Kirsti's recent post, I thought I'd give it a go (in yet another instance of passively resisting motivating myself to actually do what I'm supposed to do with regards to my job).

I'm ready for the school year to be over. Alas, I have yet another 3.5 months left. *sigh*

I am ashamed to admit that I got sucked into watching The Wedding Crashers last night on Comedy Central while waiting for TBS to show Get Smart. Lame, I know.

I will probably die early or go blind or lose my kidneys before I'm 40 because I love carbs/sugar too much... they are just so hard to resist, but I can't give them up altogether. I guess it's like that proverbial rock and hard place.

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Meh. I'd be more enthusiastic if there weren't so much nauseating emphasis on the romantic love (i.e. if they more generally marketed it to include other kinds of love, like familial love, friendship, etc. It's there, but it is so terribly overwhelmed by the romantic drivel that people generally miss it).

I think I will refuse to see Gnomeo and Juliet on principle. I won't get on my Romeo and Juliet soapbox here (because you've all pretty much heard it before), but as far as I can tell, this newest re-telling of the old story can in no way improve the story enough to make me like it.

I am excited to see I Am Number Four (apparently based on a book that sounds intriguing)- the preview I saw the other day looked pretty fantastic!

I think I will see The Adjustment Bureau when it comes out. But then, I do love Matt Damon.

I want to live in the U.K.

I wouldn't mind going to grad school in Canada (though I don't think I'd want to permanently transition there).

I have about 6 new books all waiting to be read, and I have no time to read them :(

Whoever came up with the idea of the sandwich thins rolls is brilliant!

I think I need to further explore the music of Daft Punk, because what I've heard so far by them, I've loved!

I *love* my Valiant 8 primary class! They just crack me up, and they're pretty awesome (if a little hyper now and then...)! :)


Yeah, happy Sunday to all, and to all a good-night!

(i.e. time for me to get back to work...)

Moving on...

I suppose it is time for me to do another post here. I guess I'd been hoping for a few more responses regarding my other, new blog (it's not too late if you're interested reading it- just shoot me an e-mail or mention it in your comments!). But, c'est la vie... on with the post.

As many of you know, this has been a tough year for me, teaching-wise AND other-wise. But I suppose it has been good in the sense that I have been learning a lot about myself, my goals, my desires both personal and professional... It's funny- I have wanted to be a teacher for so long (read: since about junior high age) that over the years, I just took it for granted that it is what I would do with my life. I never really thought about other options (or, when I did, I ended up dismissing them for various reason). I thought I was prepared; I thought I knew what I was getting into.

What I didn't expect was how all this stuff would make me feel.

I guess I expected to feel more rewarded for my efforts. I guess I expected to feel more small (or large) moments of success. I guess I expected to feel like this is something I am capable of doing.

This year, I have felt those things almost never.

As mentioned before, I'm not giving up on teaching entirely...yet. After all, I still *love* teaching my Valiant 8/9s! They are a fun (sometimes crazy/hyper) bunch of kids. I've enjoyed my calling as a Primary teacher so much this past month. I've always enjoyed my callings as a teacher in Sunday School or Relief Society. Clearly, there is a lot about teaching I enjoy. But this year has taught me more not just about thinking outside the box, but actually looking outside the box.

Here is what I've concluded:
1) I don't think I'm designed for the traditional classroom setting. I'd still like to try it in a different district (just in case), but I just don't think that I do my best work there. Because besides discipline, some of my biggest stresses are the lesson planning and the grading, and those are things that would exist no matter what school district I taught in. I just don't think I'm mentally/emotionally equipped for all the time/stress that those things entail.

2) It's time to go back to school (i.e. grad school). But not for an education degree. I've decided to obtain a Master's of Library Science (or similar degree, depending on which school I end up going to). I love libraries and the type of organization there (perhaps that is shocking to anyone that has seen my bedroom, but believe it or not, I am over-organized with some things, books and alphabetizing and categorizing being some of those things...). I could see myself loving a library-related job well into retirement age. And if I can't find a position within a school library, it gives me marketability in the public sector.

I remember reading once in a Readers' Digest, "Money is the fringe benefit of a job you like." I've tried to hold to that over the years. I am one who feels that I have to be able to enjoy what I do in some capacity. Right now, there is very little that I enjoy about teaching in IPS, which is why I'm out after this year. I feel I would very much enjoy almost any librarian-type position, though. Hence the decision to move in that direction.

Now I just need to figure out where to go.

Any suggestions?

Experiment

I know, it has been awhile. However, those of you who have read my last post, you may at least have an idea why it has been so long. Still. a friend recently mentioned that in order for her to blog-stalk me, she'd need a new post to work with (Thanks, Dedra, for the nice kick in the pants!). And since I promised to have a new one by the end of this weekend, here I am, Sunday afternoon, trying to get this done (ever the procrastinator).

First, as a brief follow-up to the vented frustrations of the previous post, I wanted to say that right before Thanksgiving break, I had several students give me thank-you cards, expressing their appreciation for the teaching I attempt to do every day. A couple of girls even went so far as to make an over-sized card out of fluorescent poster board to give to me (as seen below).

While I realize that most of these cards were given because another teacher had them make cards in her first period class, I was still touched by the sincerity of students giving them. So, while my decision has not changed, it is nice to know that at least some students care.

(I still am not looking forward to going back to school tomorrow, though.)

So. Back to the main purpose of this post. Though I thought about doing one about the recently passed holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's), I just don't know what I'd actually say. They were good. I loved getting to spend time with my family. We had fun, despite illnesses going around.

But I wanted to start the New Year with an experiment. It is one that some of my siblings have tried; I don't know how successful they've been, but I wanted to try it, nonetheless. I am talking about attempting a writing blog- a blog where I share some of the specks of lint falling out of my brain from time to time. I have always been hesitant to share my writing with others for kind-of weird and obscure reasons, but I'm trying to overcome that because I'm finally feeling like I'd like some kind of feedback to the things I've written and will yet write. Yeah, I can sort-of edit my own writing, but I don't exactly have an objective point of view.

That is where you come in. I'm not saying you have to be objective. I'm just asking for thoughts other than my own to help me shape some of these ideas. I'm a little nervous. It's possible no one will bother reading it and/or commenting. But I'm willing to at least give it a try. If nothing else, I'm hoping this will help stimulate my desire to write, a desire that hasn't been as strong amidst the frustrations of this school year.

So. Because I don't want just anyone to be able to read it (yeah, I'm weird like that), I have decided to make this an invitation-only blog. Thus. If you are interested at all in reading it, please shoot me an e-mail (or let me know in the comments if you don't have my e-mail address) and I will work on sending you an invitation to view the blog. (I may send you one anyway, even if you don't request an invitation, but please do not feel obligated to accept. If you don't want to accept the invitation, though, please let me know so I don't just keep re-sending it because I thought you overlooked it.)

I think that's all I have for now. I think.

Happy New Year. Welcome, 2011.

I'm out.

The few followers/readers of this blog may already know this, but for those that do not, I'm done with IPS. I will finish out the year--I determined enough and stubborn enough to not let the frustrations these kids are throwing at me drive me out mid-year. But this year has taught me a few things that deep down, I think I already knew.

1) I am NOT Michelle Pfeiffer nor Robin Williams.

I just don't know how to teach these kids. I don't know how to reach them, how to get to their level to see where the problems truly lie, how to inspire them to have confidence in what they can do... I don't know how to get them to learn.

2) I do not know how to write lesson plans.

At least, not "good" ones that are standards-based and use Vygotsky's Model on a daily basis... I still struggle, too, to get any plans out of my head and onto paper for the principal to evaluate. It just seems so time consuming and frustrating... It is one of my least favorite things to do.

3) I'm still a terrible procrastinator (actually, since I still do it so frequently, would that make me a great procrastinator? Whatever the case, I still have the terrible habit of procrastinating many things).

4) I have little-to-no classroom management skills.

At least, what few skills I may have, they are not effective in these IPS classrooms in which I'm teaching this year.

5) There are not enough hours in the day for all the referrals and phone calls that really need to be made.

With as many discipline issues as I have on a daily basis, there simply isn't enough time to do all the write-ups and make all the phone calls home that really should be made because there are other things that also have to be done. And it's doubly frustrating when nothing seems to happen anyway, when students with referral lists over a page long are still walking around like they own the school with apparently no consequences for their disruptive behavior.

6) I need some form of year-to-year consistency.

In conjunction with #2, I have realized that my struggle with lesson plans comes in part, at least, because I haven't really taught the same thing two years in a row. Every year, I've been asked to teach something different. I hate writing lesson plans because every year, it's like I have to re-invent the wheel. That's why it's so exhausting. I don't really have lesson plans from previous years from which to draw. I can't just tweak activities/projects from the past to improve them. I have to go back to the beginning every time, having to guess what might work and what might not work, having no real experience to guide my guesses. And because I usually don't find out until the last minute what I'll be teaching, it's not like I can even really spend any summer vacation time planning. (Though, as mentioned in #3, I still might not do it, even then...)

I need a school district with a little less transience.

7) I am not a reading teacher.

My license is in Language Arts and Spanish. I taught one semester of reading with my emergency permit (and I didn't do very well with it then, either). I have never been formally trained/taught on how to reach struggling readers. Having always been a good reader, their struggles are ones I don't often understand because I never had that problem. Small wonder, then, that I feel like I am failing at teaching this year.

8) I HATE NCLB!

This isn't really any new revelation. But here's yet another reason why it continues to be a thorn in my side (sorry for the cliche): in a generation of students who are already being raised with an attitude of entitlement--acting like they deserve to have everything handed to them on a silver platter simply because they are alive and breathing--NCLB takes much of their accountability away from them and puts it all on the teachers. In all the effort to hold teachers accountable for student performance, they seem to be neglecting the crucial fact that students need to have a reason to invest in their own education. THEY need to decide they want to learn. THEY need to decide they care. If we are mandating their success by law, but only holding teachers accountable when they fail, why should they bother taking a serious interest? That is why they, like everyone else, blame the teachers instead of themselves when they get failing grades.

As one colleague pointed out, governments can't legislate parenting. I may not entirely agree, but I can accept that it is much more difficult to do, and much more controversial, and when politicians are more concerned with re-election than they are with doing what is right, of course they aren't going to try to tell their constituents how to raise their kids. BUT I still think there has to be a way to hold the students accountable (as well as the teachers insofar as it is applicable) for their own failures. THAT should still be legislatable.

9) I need my sanity.

This year, in particular, has been draining. I'm still trying to hold onto things like the Indianapolis Symphonic Choir and the handbell choir--things that develop talents I enjoy--to keep me sane. But I have little/no time to write, to exercise any of my creativity. I have little time to read. Because this is my job that is paying my bills, far too often it pushes spiritual growth/development to the back burner. I am feeling mentally/emotionally/spiritually drained. I can't live like that anymore. I will not allow myself to wither away inside, no matter what bills need to be paid.

10) IPS is not a good fit for me. It is time to move on.

I feel badly about this because I know students in urban school districts so often get the shaft--they need (and in many ways, deserve) dedicated teachers who are determined to make a difference in their lives. And I feel like I still have good, quality teaching capabilities within me. But I apparently cannot make an effective difference in these kids' lives because, even after four years, I have not been able to learn how. So I leave it to others more capable than I, others who seem to know how to reach these kids. I'm out.